Introduction: Asking for more pay isn’t a personality test—it’s a process. You’re not begging; you’re aligning compensation with the value the role delivers. The antidote to nerves is preparation: know the market, document outcomes, and practice words you can say under pressure. Whether you’re negotiating a new offer or a raise where you work, the same bones hold up the conversation: timing, anchoring, a clear ask, and respectful persistence. Here’s a practical plan and scripts you can adapt to your voice.

1. Find the right timing. For a raise, aim for a window after a clear win (project completion, a new responsibility) and before budgets lock. For a new offer, the negotiation happens after you receive the offer and before you accept. If you’re mid‑cycle with no big wins, start stacking visible contributions and schedule a conversation a few weeks out, giving your manager time to advocate.

2. Write your value brief. One page, three sections: scope, outcomes, and evidence. Scope clarifies what you own now that you didn’t before. Outcomes list 3–5 results with numbers or concrete proofs (time saved, revenue influenced, errors reduced, stakeholder quotes). Evidence includes artifacts like dashboards or emails. Bring this to the meeting; it changes the tone from “I want” to “Here’s what the role delivers.”

3. Research the market range. Use multiple sources—industry reports, professional associations, peers you trust, and recruiters. Convert ranges to your location and level. Decide your target band: walk‑away minimum, solid yes, and stretch. Keep benefits in mind: vacation, flexibility, education funds, sign‑on, or performance bonuses may bridge gaps.

4. Open with gratitude and clarity. Script for raise request: “Thanks for meeting. I’ve taken on X and delivered Y and Z. Based on market data and the scope today, I’d like to discuss aligning my compensation to [target amount]. I’m excited to keep delivering at this level.” Script for offer call: “I’m thrilled about the role. Based on my background and market data, I was expecting total compensation in the [X–Y] range. Is there flexibility to get closer to that?”

5. Anchor with a number, then pause. Humans negotiate around anchors. If you start with “What can you do?”, you accept whatever their anchor is. If you state a clear target, you frame the discussion. After stating your number, stop talking. Let the other side process and respond. Silence is part of negotiation, not a social failure.

6. Handle common pushbacks with calm, short responses. “Budget is set.” Response: “I understand constraints. Given the impact outlined here, what options exist to bridge toward [target]? I’m open to structure—mix of base, bonus, or a mid‑year review tied to specific milestones.” “This is above band.” Response: “Thanks for sharing. Based on comparable roles and my current scope, I believe [target] is aligned. If base can’t move now, could we address [sign‑on, extra vacation, education stipend, or a title adjustment]?” Keep it collaborative.

7. Negotiate the full package. Make a simple grid with base, bonus, equity if applicable, sign‑on, benefits (vacation, flexibility), professional development, title, and review timing. If base stalls, nudge other cells. Ask about a structured six‑month review with pre‑agreed outcomes, turning a “no” into “not yet—if X, then Y.”

8. Practice out loud. Rehearse with a friend or record yourself. The goal is to remove verbal clutter and filler apologies. Replace “I was hoping” with “Based on X and Y, I’d like to discuss [number].” Replace “Sorry to ask” with “Thank you for considering this.”

9. Keep your BATNA in view. BATNA—best alternative to a negotiated agreement—protects your backbone. If you have other interviews, freelance income, or a tolerable status quo, you negotiate from steadier ground. Don’t bluff; do build options over time so future negotiations feel less existential.

10. Close with clarity and appreciation. If you reach agreement, restate it and ask for confirmation in writing. If the decision requires approvals, set a follow‑up date: “Thanks for the conversation. When should I expect an update? I’ll follow up by [date].”

11. Email templates you can adapt. Pre‑meeting note: “Thanks for meeting on [date] to discuss my compensation. I’ll bring a brief overview of outcomes from the past [period] and ideas for the next quarter.” Post‑offer counter: “I’m excited about the offer. Given my experience with [key skills] and the market range I’m seeing for roles with similar scope, is there room to move the base to [X] or to include a sign‑on of [Y] to bridge the difference?”

12. Keep relationships intact. Even firm negotiations can be kind. Avoid ultimatums unless you intend to follow through. If the answer is no, ask what specific outcomes would justify a raise next cycle, write them down, and deliver them. People remember how you negotiated; be the person they want to work with again.

(-) Quick checklist: value brief printed; market range defined; target band set; scripts practiced aloud; full‑package grid ready; BATNA understood; follow‑up date agreed.